Corporate Babysitter

Scene:

Location: A Conference room (Sariah – my favorite large conference room. My favorite smaller conference room is Leah) at the Riverton Office Building.

Time: 2:00ish

Purpose: Weekly QA/DEV Manager meeting

Participants: 9 managers. All male. All above 40 years old. All highly educated. Obviously all successful at their jobs (I mean – they are managers, after all). And me.

The meeting begins with a Devotional based on ICS's Cultural Beliefs. It's supposed to be spiritual. John chooses the 3^rd Cultural Belief - Help Others Succeed: I am successful only when those whom I work with and serve are successful.

It turns into a debate on the proper usage of whom vs. who and the British take on the matter. Naturally, The Office was quoted as a source- and rightly so. I may or may not have been the individual to note that The Office has an excellent tutorial on the proper usage of whom.

John was called Dwight several times, and it was demanded that he redact his statement. He didn't.

We finally make it to our second agenda item.

Brigham begins fidgeting in his chair.

John gets super agitated and begins glaring at Brigham. Brigham is focused and doesn't notice, so John glares at me. Like I can do something to stop it? Brigham sees me looking across the table, at John, past him, so he smiles. I like Brigham.

Brigham begins to play with the armrests on his chair – sliding them back and forth.

John gets super tense, and even more agitated. If looks could kill, Brigham would be seriously hurting.

Finally, John snaps, and bursts out,

"Brigham STOP!"

Everyone looks at John, except Clay. (Clay saw Arabic on my Facebook page and is typing the words into Google, translating them. He is teaching himself Arabic off Rosetta Stone. He is eccentric. Why is my Facebook page up in a meeting, you ask? Because one of our new interns is named Tyler Oppie. No one believes that's his real name. We spent 10 minutes discussing how everyone will call him Opie Taylor, and wondering what he looks like? So I looked him up on Facebook – he's married. That's all I could tell. Besides the fact that he looks super serious and has bushy black hair. I feel bad for him – he has no idea what awaits him during his time here.) Brigham looks shocked. No one says anything.

Dave, who is running the meeting, begins speaking again.

Scott begins coughing.

Brett begins clicking his pen.

Brigham goes back to adjusting the armrests.

I'm laughing hysterically.

Finally, all the commotion brings Clay out of his Google/Arabic world, and he looks up from his phone and asks what's going on? So the whole situation is repeated to him.

We get through the next agenda item.

Brett is looking at his phone, and starts giggling. He passes it to Scott. Scott begins laughing. Troy leans over to take the phone.

Brigham: "What?"

Jason: "Now you have to share with everyone"

Troy busts up.

Dave: "Send it in an email"

Brett: " I just did."

Everyone eagerly awaits what is so funny on Brett's phone. Brett, Troy and Scott are still laughing.

Dave checks his email and opens the following picture:

We never really got back to the meeting after that. Everyone was in hysterics. For a long time.

This is why, when anyone asks me what I do for a living, I tell them I am a Corporate Babysitter.

Love,
Brittney