NICU – Week 1

What a week.

The first couple of days were SO HARD. I cried all day it feels like. Seeing the twins in the NICU was SO DARN HARD. They are so small, especially Thor. His whole rib cage seemed like it would collapse with every breath. It’s the most painful thing to watch. Lots was going on those first days, with tests and pokes and all that. And just becoming familiar with the NICU. It’s really overwhelming.

I’ve seen pictures of friends’ babies in the NICU and I never thought much of it. The babies looked tiny and cute. But when it was my own kids there – whole other story! It was (it still is, just not as scary) so beyond scary to have them in there and not be able to hold them or help them. And if their stats drop a little bit bells start going off. The first time Thor cried, I lost it. I couldn’t take seeing him in the incubator crying and I couldn’t do anything.

It’s a little better now. I’m more accustomed to the NICU and the way things work. It’s still so freaking hard. But not as hard. Saying goodbye and leaving them is the hardest. It’s so contrary to everything in me to just leave my babies and go home. It kills me to not know how they are doing every minute.  I miss them so much.

My preeclampsia hasn’t cleared up the way it should have, and that has made things really hard. My blood pressure actually got much worse post delivery than it did on bed rest. My swelling has been worse as well. I have barely been able to walk because the swelling is so bad. Horrible headaches. Overall not feeling well. On top of the pain and discomfort of birth. While trying to be in the NICU as much as possible. With one car, and a husband who works full time and coaches football. It’s been really hectic and crazy. It finally got so bad I went into the doctor and they put me on blood pressure meds. I’ve been on them 2 days and today I felt much better. Just need the swelling to go down so I can walk again.

The babies are doing so great. They improve daily. Thor is up in weight, which makes such a difference for his little body. After birth they both lost weight, and now Loki is up to 5 lbs 1oz and Thor is up to 3lbs 15oz.

On Saturday night Craig, Lisa and Melissa came and Craig and Trevor gave the twins and I a blessing.

What an amazing experience, to see Trevor give his first fathers’ blessing to his children. He gave them both wonderful blessings and it was so special. Then Craig gave Trevor a fathers’ blessing, which was also very special.

I haven’t cried the last 2 days, which is kind of a really big deal. When I am not at the NICU, I will look at pictures of them and just start crying. It’s so hard being away. Especially when I know I need to keep my feet up and get the swelling down so I can get healthy and take care of them. But it’s so hard to be at home when I want to be with them so badly.

This week has been the most emotional week of my life.

We have been so blessed with such great friends and family though. I can’t express my gratitude enough for all the amazing people who have brought gifts, flowers and love.

Trevor has been incredible. He is such a good dad. He gets to football at 6am, and then stops by the NICU to check on the babies and goes to work. He spends his lunch break in the NICU. Then comes again after work until late. We are always in the NICU. I think it is so amazing he comes before work, during his lunch break and after. I just don’t think many dads would do that. Both babies love him.

I think Thor looks a lot like him (Thor has tiny versions of Trev’s eyebrows) but with a Johnson nose. Everyone on my side says he has my dad’s nose. Loki has Trev’s cheeks. They are chubby and incredible! I love them!!!

Loki is a feisty like bugger. She pulled her feeding tube out of her throat so many times they had to tape it in through her nose. She will rarely tolerate being swaddled – she loves having her feet stretched out. And she will put them both to one side in this adorable position, or she’ll have them separated and sprawled about. Her arms as well. She’s super feisty and hates her “cares” – where you change her diaper, take her temp, check her lungs and stomach, etc. We started doing non-nutritional breast feeding, where I pump first and then let her latch on to practice while she is fed through her tube. She’s doing great. She makes the cutest face in the whole world when she’s trying to suck.

Thor basically sleeps most the day. He is still so much smaller than Loki. He is so easy going and calm. He doesn’t love cares either but doesn’t make a stink about them like Loki. He’s handsome as can be and such a good little man.

Holding them for the first time was incredible. So amazing. I can’t describe the joy I felt while holding them each. Trevor as well. He cried when he held Thor for the first time, it was so cute. Not that he doesn’t love Loki as much, he just held Thor first and got most the emotion out on him.

I’m so grateful they are doing so well. Trevor and I are so in love with these babies. We think they are beautiful and perfect. We both feel so grateful and blessed to be their parents.

NICU Day 8

Today Loki is up 3oz to  5.4  and Thor  is up 3oz to 4.3.

I love seeing those weights go up!

Both their feedings have been increased yet again (my nipples hurt 24/7) and they have had calories added. Thor has been spitting up a lot the last 2 days, and today the realized he was spitting up because the little butt has been pulling out his feeding tube. All the way out his throat, just little his sister. These babies! So they had to put his through his nose as well and tape it well. Today he also almost pulled his canula completely off. It’s taped on there  very well and he almost pulled the whole thing out! I stopped him or he would have. Then he cried, I’m sure because it hurt pulling all that tape off.

We were able to try non-nutritional breast-feeding with him today, I was so exited about that milestone. He latched on like a pro but is still pretty small and doesn’t suck well. Still a huge success!

He woke up more today and was feisty. Adorable as ever! Seems like as he gains weight he might be as feisty as his sister.

Both have come way down on oxygen. I think Loki is mostly getting no extra oxygen, just has the canula in for oxygen flow. But she isn’t getting an additional. Thor keeps coming lower every day on the amount he needs.

Loki is maintaining her own body temperature, so she will most likely upgrade to a crib tomorrow.

Both will get IV’s out tomorrow hopefully.

Today Loki woke up before each of her cares. She gets fed at each care, and waking up before each one is a great sign. The nurse said maybe tomorrow we can try breast feeding. Like for reals, no pumping before. That’ll be nice!

Both kids have explosive poops. You can hear it from across the room. Just thought I should put that out there for when they are older.

I fall more in love with them every day. They are both so darn cute!!!!! It breaks my heart to go home without them.