PREGNANT!

While in Vegas, Trevor and I had an oopsie...

I honestly didn't think too much about it. But about 1.5 weeks before I was due to start my period, I got really bad cramps (which my cramps have been so much worse and unpredictable since birth control, but the period I'd just had had been the best since getting of birth control so I was so sad the cramps came hard and early, as I was hoping my cycle was FINALLY getting back to normal).

I thought about the oopsie, and began to be concerned that I WASN'T pregnant. We weren't ready to be pregnant, I didn't want to be pregnant, but the incessant worrier in me was a little panicked - WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME AND I CAN'T GET PREGNANT?

I stewed. A lot.

I had a Dr's appointment and even brought it up - could I have a hard time getting pregnant? Should we do tests??

She said I shouldn't be worried. I was in perfect health. That you only have a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month, and that honesty in her opinion getting pregnant is a miracle and usually take a little time.

That made me feel better, but still I was worried. Trevor and I both want a family, so not being able to get pregnant was something that I couldn't shake (although it was all in my head).

I spent the next week praying that Trevor and I wouldn't struggle with infertility.

The cramps continued - getting worse. I had had them for over a WEEK! And no period. I was pretty upset, because I thought my body was finally getting back to normal after birth control.

Then I put on my exercise bra to go to the gym and realized - my chest didn't fit in it. There was quite a bit of bulging out the sides. I know a lot of women complain about tender/swollen breasts before their periods, but it just wasn't something I'd ever experienced.

That night, the cramps were worse than ever. I didn't sleep much. I was in so much pain (I hadn't taken any medicine IN CASE I was pregnant - although the idea that I was really hadn't entered my mind at this point. It was just a precaution.). I was up early with a heating pack on my stomach, deciding if I wanted to try and make it in to work. 

At about 9:00am (1/28/14) I started to have to go to the bathroom. Before I went, I decided to look and see how late my period was. I was 4 days late. I knew I was late - but again being pregnant really hadn't registered in my head as a possibility (I'd spent the last week praying I wasn't infertile so my mind was in a whole other place) especially because my cramps had been so bad - I knew it was period related, since it was at the exact time I should have cramps.

I saw I was 4 days late, and I had to pee, so I decided to take a test. I knew I had one somewhere, but couldn't find it. I searched the house over and over again to no avail. By then I had to pee sooo bad. But I just wanted to take a test and be done. So I was dancing around the house and finally found it.

Immediately after I set it down, I saw two solid pink lines.

I started to cry and just walked around the house saying, "oh my gosh oh my gosh" and looking at the pregnancy test and crying.

I wasn't (still am not!) sure what to feel. I was mostly just overwhelmed I think. This was a pretty big surprise. We are not ready. I kept thinking about the ramifications of this, and how mine and our lives were going to change. It was all just too much.

After I got somewhat in check, I texted Trevor to see if he could come home for lunch. He said he could, thankfully, because there was no way I was keeping this inside ALL DAY LONG.

I wanted to get him a gender neutral newborn onsie that said "I love my Dad" or something like that, to tell him. I went to Target and surprisingly their collection of baby clothes was really sad. I went to Walmart, and theirs was too. I found quite a bit of girl clothes with mommy stuff, but no daddy. 

I did find this adorable card though. So I bought that. And added a message.

As I was leaving, Walmart, I saw a Babys "R" Us across the street - and found the perfect onsie as soon as I walked in. It's gender neutral and says "daddy loves me". I  didn't take a picture, but it came with 3 more onsies, ELEPHANTS! They are so darn cute.

I put everything together, put the pregnancy test in the envelope and waited for him to come home. 

I was SO NERVOUS! I was shaking, just looking at the time. SWEATING BULLETS. Trevor is amazing with kids and wants to be a dad so badly, but this wasn't in the cards for us yet! We had talked about MAYBE trying in August, which is 7 MONTHS AWAY! Plus the 9 months of pregnancy thing, and probably wouldn't get pregnant the first time around - so we are thinking 2 YEARS DOWN THE LINE.

He came home, and I told him I left a card for him on the table because I love him. He grabbed it and first thing took out the pregnancy test (I wanted him to read the card first). He holds it up, looks at me and says, "what is this?" I thought he'd know... I thought everyone knew what two pink lines means. 

I told him to read the card. He just looked at me and said, "are you serious?"

Then he hugged me so tight and kept saying "I love you".

We sat down and just looked at each other.

Neither of us knew what to think.

I'm still in shock. This whole thing doesn't seem real. Like it's a joke and someone is going to say "JUST KIDDING!!!" at any minute.

I looked at the test over and over all day long just to remind me this is real.

I'm not at the excited phase yet - I'm still so shocked and scared. 

WE ARE PREGNANT!

PS - What happens in Vegas obviously doesn't stay in Vegas.

love,

Brittney