Brittney Johnson Schauerhamer

So, I am going to be a Schauerhamer soon.

Brittney Schauerhamer

I feel weird about it.

I mean, my WHOLE LIFE I’ve been Brittney Johnson.

That’s who I am. My name. A huge part of my identity.

I am Brittney Johnson

I won’t lie – when I was younger I’d think about changing my name and how exciting that would be. Practice writing my name with a bunch of random last names to see how it looked (I’m quite positive Schauerhamer was never one of the hypothetical names I tried).

Also – beware of the wishes you make when you’re little. Apparently, they do come true. Being a Johnson, I always wanted a weird/unique last name when I got married. I was tired of being one of the millions of Johnsons, and having a very common first name didn’t help things. There are hundreds of Brittney Johnson’s everywhere I go. Even when we registered, there were hundreds of me – Brittney spelled the same way even.

So as a little girl I wished that I would get a cool, unique last name – so I wouldn’t be one of the millions.

And then I grew up and fell in love with a Schauerhamer. I guess that is a testimony to me that dreams really do come true. Even the silly ones that really don’t matter.

I know I’ll adjust and one day won’t bat an eye when someone calls me “Brittney Schauerhamer” or “Mrs Schauerhamer” or “Sister Schauerhamer”…

But for now, it’s weird.

I know my name changing doesn’t change ME. But it changes who I am, my identity in a way.

I’m excited too, don’t get me wrong. I am excited to be a part of the Schauerhamer family, to be more apart of Trevor than I am now.

But it is still really weirding me out.

My kids and people I meet in the future will not know me as Brittney Johnson. They’ll never know that is who I was for 26 years. They won’t think of me as Brittney Johnson. I’ll just be Brittney Schauerhamer to them.

One time, Trevor was buying something online as a Christmas surprise for his Dad. He put his name in a shipping field online. It had separate boxes for first and last name. He decided to change it to ship to me instead of him, and changed his first name to my first name. His last name field hadn’t been edited yet, so for a moment it said “Brittney Schauerhamer”.

He got this goofy grin on his face and looked at me. I could see in his eyes how happy that made him, thinking about me as his wife.

The other day he was being snooty and called me “mrs” (like instead of calling me Brittney, he said something like “look here mrs!!”). I told him, “I’m still a miss” and he said, “In my eyes, you are already a Mrs.”

It’s those times, when I see in his eyes how much he loves me, how excited he is to marry me, that I forget that I’m making a huge life change and that I’m freaking out about all these changes, including my name.

All I see is that while this is huge, I’m not in it alone. I’m changing my name because Trevor wants to make me his family. He wants to take care of me, provide for me. At those times, I don’t feel like I’m losing part of me. I feel like I’m gaining a new part.

Love,

Brittney Johnson Schauerhamer