Secret Combinations

Work has been weird lately.

There’s always been these aspects, but it’s been worse lately.

Cliquey

Gossipy

Backstabbing

Inappropriate romance

Dog-eat-dog

Espionage

Immaturity

Instigation

To mention a few. I mean – in the working world it’s unenviable, right? You get 1,000+ people in one building, everyone trying to make money/support their families and achieve some level of recognition/power.

Lately though, it’s been worse.

Like, a lot worse.

Different groups out for the same goal, willing to slander and take down anyone in their way.

Backstabbing in order to get ahead or avoid personal accountability for actions.

Gossip. GOSSIP!

And I’ve somehow managed to find myself smack dab in the center of the whole tornado.

I’m privy to enough conversations that I know much of the drama going on, but not high up enough to know all that’s going on. Just enough to know it’s trouble. And to watch.my.back.

One man, in his 40’s, is actually causing all kinds of drama. Gossiping, lying, deceit… I mean it’s INSANE. I want to sit him down and tell him to act like a man, not a 12 year old girl.

My close coworker, who is also stuck in the middle of this chaos, was telling her sister about how messed up all this stuff is.

Her sister said, “seems like lots of secret combinations.”

And it hit me. That is EXACTLY what this whole mess is – secret combinations. Lots of them. Each out for themselves, at the sacrifice of anyone in their path.

It made me think about the people I surround myself with at work, the things that come out of my mouth. Could anyone construe me as being  part of a secret combination here?

What about my personal life? Do I act like I’m in a secret combination in my personal life? Am I surrounding myself with a certain group of people, what are we talking about?

(I told Trevor this and we decided we’re in a secret combination together. But a good one. Not the bad kind.)

It made me evaluate the way I conduct myself and the things I share with people around me. What are my motives for saying what I’m saying?

Gossiping is so hurtful – to both the gossiper and gossipee (I just made that word up but I love it) - am I partaking in activities like this?

It seriously has changed my perspective on the people I chose to be with and the words I chose to say.

I don’t think most people start out displaying the characters I listed above.

It’s when you are upset about something or want to spread rumors or want to feel camaraderie – that people begin to draw together likeminded people. And then it boils from there, until it’s out of hand. And that affects people like me, who just want to sit at work and do my job, uninterrupted, until I get to go home and see Trevor.

As this whole mess has been evolving around me, I’ve found coworkers I can talk to about how CRAZY things are getting all up in here! We’d talk about what we were hearing and rumors  and our speculations on what was going on and what would result. Our intent was to figure out this mess and understand what was going on, and to stay the heck out of it. But the more we’d talk, the more riled up I’d get. The more I’d get frustrated at the people causing this mess and their secret combinations, the people I knew were secretly involved.

And then I realized – my intent in talking about all this with a couple of close coworkers (who were in the middle of this as well) was purely trying to survive this mess. But it was creating a secret combination in us. We were angry at what had been transpiring and were trying to deduce all the missing pieces.

Ugh! It made me cringe. I AM NOT LIKE THEM! But I was beginning to for my own secret combination, with the best of intentions, but it could have easily transpired from there.

Things have happened in my personal life (cue Jr. High school) where similar groups have formed. Wanting to be on the inside, I’ve participated in language and actions that I regret.

I’m seriously reevaluating my words – and the purposes behind what I’m speaking and who I am speaking to.

 For some insight into secret combinations.

Love,

 

Brittney