Confessions of a socially awkward Church employee

So this morning, I was in a hurry as usual. It’s freezing outside at 7am, and I mostly only have dresses and skirts – and I wanted something warm. I found a pair of pants and threw them on – they are seriously from Jr. High School. They fit – just a little too tight in the OD (Kenzie and Camree’s word for bottom – opposite of down… don’t ask).

I wanted to wear the pants, but needed a shirt that was long. I was in a huge hurry, but finally found a long sweater, threw it on and left the house.

The bathrooms at work are totally awkward – the men’s and women’s restroom doors are opposite each other. So when you are coming out, and a guy is coming out (which always happens. There are something like 300 men on my floor) you get to look at him straight on, and see into the men’s room – unless you emerge from the bathroom with your head down. Every time I go to the bathroom, it seems like I have some type of awkward moment.

So I am coming out of the bathroom today, and run right into this guy. He is young, single, and he wasn’t working here anymore. He works for a company that contracts out to the Church, and as we moved from the Triad, he finished the project he was working on. So I didn’t expect to see him ever again. And there he was, right there coming out of the bathroom, in the most optimum place for us to collide.

We started talking, and I was embarrassed and shocked at seeing him and had a meeting coming up I was worried about. The following is the true and almost verbatim conversation that took place. Well, the fluff before is omitted – I skipped right to the disastrous part.

Him: “I like your sweater”

Me: “Thanks. I wore it because it’s tight.”

“Well not because it’s tight, but because my pants are really tight.”

At this point, I immediately realize what I’ve said. I start to get really red.

Me: “I can’t believe I just said that.”

I hang my head in shame, looking at the floor, thinking HOW in the world I just told a young single guy I wore this sweater because my pants are extremely tight? WHO does that? I get redder and redder, standing there in the hall. He’s just looking at me. I try to make small talk, but I’m just flustered and red and he’s just standing there, so I excused myself, and ran to my meeting. And the whole walking away part was lovely, because you know he’s going to watch me walk away, to see just how tight these tight pants really are.

Is it any wonder I’m still single? Haha.

Just a disclaimer – the rest of the pants are not tight at all… just the butt area. And the sweater was really long, and covered everything… it was still embarrassing as all get out though.

Love,

Brittney