Complete Humiliation = Success

I listen to podcasts on my 30 minute drive into work. My favorite channel is How Stuff Works, by Discover.

My ultimate favorite series is Stuff You Missed In History Class. They cover historical topics of all variety, and I can’t get enough. Until. UNTIL one of the co-hosts got a new job. I was devastated! I felt like I’d been cheated on. The new girl’s voice is horrible. I tried to reconcile myself to this change. Change happens! Your cheese gets moved. AND THEN. The remaining co-host announced she was leaving the podcast. It was seriously catastrophic to my daily routine.

So I had to branch out. I started to look at what other podcasts How Stuff Works has. And they have one Stuff Your Mother Never Told You. It has some interesting topics. This morning I selected one on birth control. As you can imagine, it was slightly… loaded with sexual words. Not in an arousal type way, but there’s really no way to address birth control without getting down and dirty.

The podcast hadn’t finished when I got into work, so I just closed it out and got to work.

I was opening a Safari browser, and must have hit something (I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED) and suddenly the podcast started again. AT WORK.

SEX

ARROUSAL

PENETRATION

GENTIALS

PENIS

VAGINA

SEX

SEX

SEX

SEX

SEX

SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All coming out of my phone at rapid paces, on LOADSPEAKER.

AT WORK. IN MY CUBICLE.

I WORK FOR THE CHURCH. IN THE IT DEPARTMENT.

WHERE IT'S 98% MALE.

I’m frantically trying to get it to stop. It won’t. I turn the phone on silent, nothing. Finally, after what felt like a million years it shuts off. I sit there, huddled over my phone not wanting to look up, look at my ALL MALE co-workers tucked into these small, tight cubicles. Then I hear laughter.

OH GOSH.

I tried to explain to these males around me, but even me listening to a podcast on birth control is HUMILIATING. It didn’t help much.

I went to the bathroom to regain composure.

On my way back, as I get closer to my desk, I hear “BOYFRIEND!” in this horribly obnoxious voice.

OH MY GOSH.

So, about a month ago, I was browing iTunes, turns out they have text alerts you can download. Cool, right!? One was entitled “boyfriend”. So I listened to it. It’s this obnoxious male voice saying,

“HEY! IT’S YOUR BOYFRIEND!! YOUR BOY TOY!!! GET IT!! GET IT!! IT’S YOUR BOOYYFFRIIIEENDD!! PICK UP PICK UP!! DON’T KEEP HIM WAITING! BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I thought it was hysterical. So I downloaded it. I played it for Trev and he thought it was annoying and didn’t want to text me anymore. I still thought it was hysterical. I keep my phone on silent (vibrate) 95% of the time, so I only really turned it on ring when I was around the house waiting for a call.

Apparently when I was trying to get my birth control podcast turned off, I turned my phone off silent to on.

Trevor texted me while I was in the bathroom, giving my whole portfolio practically a lesson on birth control and then informing them I’m dating someone.

AWESOME.

Love,

Brittney