Love, Brittney

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Things I don't want to forget the twins said/did over the last year+

Since I've been so bad at keeping track of our lives, I've kept a list of things I didn't want to forget the twins have said/done over the last year+. Sadly, going over the list, there are already things I don't know what they mean. These are not in chronological order.

I was changing one of the twins' diapers, and they had pooped a tiny little nugget - like moose poop. I said, "it's a little nugget!" and they kept saying "I pooped a chicken nugget!" So any time they poop, they declare they pooped a chicken nugget.

Savannah has some jammies with polka-dots on them. She calls them her coconuts. So now they call polka-dots "coconuts" and I can't correct them.

One day I was driving home from school, which ends at 12. Oliver started to say he wanted a mailbox. I kept asking him what he wanted, and he said "I'm hungry, I want a mailbox." He wanted a happy meal, hahaha. So now they call happy meals, mailboxes.

We moved. It was very emotionally difficult for Savannah. She would say she didn't want to move, and would cry. Even after we moved, she would ask for our old house. As we were packing to move, she was becoming very agitated and started regressing her behavior.  She would act like a baby. Baby talk, crawl around. Then she started insisting she would only drink from bottles again. I fought her on it, but she would cry and cry and wouldn't give in. So one Saturday she is asking for a bottle from Trevor, and he is saying no and she is crying. So then he says "Savannah, all your bottles are gone! The Bergens (from Trolls) took them all!" She bought it completely and never asked for a bottle again. My husband is a genius.

When we drive home, when we get close, the twins will say "house, where are you!!?? Where are you!?" and then we see it, they get excited and say "There it is!!" They've been doing this since 1.

Bubby is our polite little guy, and would say "thank you!" all the time. His 'thank you' sounded just like "fuck you" though..... It was hilarious.

Bubby loves letters and numbers and could identify letters in the grocery store from a very young age.

Nanny is obsessed with pink, purple and princesses. My mom gave her a purple flower nightgown she became obsessed with and would want to wear it every day. She wore it day and night for 3 days before I could get it off her without an enormous breakdown once.

They  say "hamburger" as "hanguger" and "French fries" as "frafries"

They have been beyond obsessed with Halloween, ghosts, monsters, etc - since 1. I bought this Halloween silverware set from Target and that is all they would use for over a year. Savannah would insist on the Frankenstein fork.

Oliver has always been into shows, but Savannah wouldn't sit still for the life of her until 3. But they became obsessed with the live actor version of the Scooby Doo movies. That is all they would watch for at least 6 months. Nothing else. From like 16 months until after 2, it was Scooby Doo or bust. Savannah would actually sit and watch it but nothing else. Also, they went through an Ice Age (I think #3?) phase. This was early 2's. There is a part where the squirrel goes to heaven and sees the pearly gates. Every single time, Savannah would cry her eyes out. Only at that part. Even if she hadn't watched any of it, but walked in right at that part, she would lose it. So weird.  Also, they became obsessed with the Goosebumps series at about 2.5. Thats all they wanted to watch.

Savannah loves to sing. They both like to sing in the car especially. They like to sing "Old McDonald" but they each take turn picking the animal. It is rarely farm animals, and tends to be more along the line of ghosts, monsters, spiders, crabs, etc.

They went through this phase where they would pretend to get stuck on us. Especially at night when we were tucking them in. They would say "I'm stuck on you!" And not let go.

Oliver started to call pepper "ants". So now we call pepper "ants".

They went through a phase where putting them down for naps was especially difficult, and bed time too. They had to have certain rituals and they had to be done right or they would flip. For naps specifically, if I didn't tuck them in right they would have to go upstairs and walk down to their room again and we had to start all over.  I had to 'butterfly" the blanket - sweep it over them, and then count from 1-5 or 1-10 depending on the day. If I didn't 'butterfly' the blanket right, or didn't count to the right number they would lose it and we had to start again. Now Oliver insists he has his special blanket on
backwards.

They both have their special blankets. They are the blankets that Cory Connor made them. They have to have them at all times. If they get hurt or are sad, that is the first thing they want.

One morning while I was teaching (there was a gap of 15 minutes or so between when Trevor left for work and I finished working) and I came out and they had dumped out 2 DOZEN eggs. All over their heads, bodies and the floor.

Savannah, especially is a trouble maker. Oliver goes along with it, but from what I can tell 99.9% of the trouble they make, Savannah instigates. We've had so many marker incidents (including coloring inside of Oliver's ears, and coloring all over our newly painted wall as we were moving out). At our new house, she also located the unpacked spice rack and emptied nearly 20 bottles of completely full spices throughout the house.

They have had sleep over's at my mom's and it is their favorite. They ask to have a sleep over with Teta all the time. They also love my parents' dogs, Kenai and Roo.

They love going to the doctor and dentist. When we were house hunting one day (it was just me, the twins and our realtor), Oliver was running in a living room and tripped and fell right on the corner of a piano bench. The bench went right through his lower lip (a year later and he still has a scar on his lip). SO MUCH BLOOD. I'm trying to not get blood on the carpet and furniture and find the bathroom and he's screaming, and Savannah is still running around like the crazy child she is. It was seriously so awful (the whole house hunting experience was seriously so awful). I thought he was going to have to go to the ER, but we got the bleeding stopped and the actual hole was relatively small. A couple of days later, Trevor was changing his diaper and noticed his top tooth was knocked crooked! He had hit the bench at an angle and the bench corner had gone through his bottom lip and knocked out one of the top teeth. I hadn't thought to look at his top teeth! I had to take him to the dentist and he had to be sedated and they put the tooth back in. Luckily the nerve hadn't been severed so they could do that. A year later and the tooth is still brown. Savannah was so upset that he got to go to the dentist and she didn't. The whole time he was having his tooth fixed she was crying and trying to get into the chair.

We got a picnic table that the twins fell in love with, and we had to eat all our meals there until it was far too cold and I finally told them no. They would call it the 'nik nik table'.

They call string cheese "milk cheese".

Savannah will only let me do one hair style on her- pigtails. And she calls them 'reindeers' because of Sven in Frozen. It's so cute. She asks for reindeers every day, and will not let me try anything else.

Just after valentines day this year, I was teaching at night and Trevor popped in between classes and asked, "the twins want to play hot hot love. What is that?" and I had no idea what he meant. I'd never taught them to play any game called hot hot love. So after teaching, he tells me they were calling it hot hot love, but they wanted to play duck duck goose. We were so confused, but I figured it had to come from school. So when I picked them up next, I asked the teacher what game they played on valentines day? They had played "heart heart love" which makes so much more sense!  Hahaha. So now they still ask to play hot hot love, instead of duck duck goose.

S has crazy bowels. She toots more than anyone I have ever met. And she's super proud. Wait untit she's a teenager.

There are so many more I have forgotten! But this list is up to date now. I need to make a separate list of all the funny things they say.

Savannah, age 4: walked in on her daddy listening to music and dancing. "Daddy, when I  look at you my butt moves"

mom: what do you want to be when you grow up? Savannah (age 4): a blesser (I think from church, blessing the sacrament).

Oliver says he wants to be a fire hydrant when he grows up. He means a fire fighter, but he says fire hydrant every time and I think it's hilarious.


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Friday, July 1, 2016

Death By Tambourine

So, the twins were in the living room while I showered, and I could hear Oliver in there crying the whole time. When I got out, I thought I heard a tambourine. Then I realized it sounded like Savannah was hitting him with the tambourine. I go out, and someone had shut the baby gate so they were trapped in the living room. He was sitting next to the gate crying, and Savannah was over him beating him with this little toy tambourine.

I go in and hold him, sitting on the stairs next to the baby gate. As I am snuggling him, I explain to Savannah that when Bubby is sad and crying we need to love him, not hurt him. That she should give him hugs, not hit. I asked her to come over and say sorry and give him hugs and kisses. She comes over and gives him a sweet hug and kiss, then steps back putting her on the other side of the baby gate. Oliver gets up, walks over and slams the baby gate in her face  (shutting her on the opposite side) and comes over and sits on my lap again. I was dying!! It was like he was saying, “you really think a hug and kiss will make up for you beating me with a tambourine!? I’ll show you! I get mom and you can stay on the other side!”


These two make me laugh so hard!

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Thursday, September 4, 2014

Savannah and the Evil Bunny

Savannah is home - on oxygen.

WORST THING EVER!
(her being on oxygen, not her coming home)

There is a sensor on her foot that detects her oxygen level and her heart rate. If ever either drops below what it should be - it beeps.

AND BEEPS

AND BEEPS

AND BEEPS

Also, the sensor has to be changed from foot to foot every 4 hours.

Also, it is not wireless - she is attached to the monitor.

So from her head she is attached to oxygen, and from her foot she's attached to the monitor. So carrying her around is... complicated.

Also, she's discovered she can pull the prongs out of her nose and put them in her mouth and can suck/chew on them.

SHE LOVES THIS.

SHE DOES THIS ALL DAY LONG.

SHE DOES THIS ALL NIGHT LONG.

She is a deep sleeper, so when she is asleep her oxygen will drop lower than it does during the day (she really could probably be completely off oxygen while she's awake). 

So her monitor beeps a lot at night. And just to make things more fun for me - she is constantly pulling her prongs out at night and eating them. If I wake up to the monitor beeping in the mid 80 range - I know she's just deeply sleeping. But if I wake up and it's in the lower 80's or lower - I know she's eating her oxygen not breathing it. So I have to get up and get it out of her mouth and put it back in her nose.

I do this ALL NIGHT LONG.

So, between switching the sensor every 4 hours, the monitor waking me up, her eating her prongs, and feeding her - I get no sleep. 

Good thing she's so dang cute.

I'm hoping she is off oxygen within a week. She's on the lowest setting. The bad part is I'm fairly certain Oliver will also come home on oxygen, and he will be on it at home longer than Savannah.

I caught these pictures last night as she was super hungry and ready to eat. Every time I look at them I can't help but laugh. She looks like an evil bunny.

Here she starts out, peaceful and angelic.



And then she's got the prongs! 






HAHAHA... Oh man. Every time! Cracks me up. I love this girl!!! 

Love,
Brittney

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Late Night Snacking

I have to take the chewable prenatals. The regular kind make me throw up. I can't keep them down.

I ran out of prenatals, so we went to the store to get more.

I saw a brand I hadn't tried before, so I decided to switch things up.

When we got home, I took them. They are so yummy. They taste like fruit snacks (I feel like I'm getting more sugar than vitamins with these chewy kind, but any pills I've taken make me sick and I throw up. So I guess this is better than nothing).

Trevor tried them and agreed - they were better than my other kind.

I go to bed earlier than Trevor can stand, so he tucks me into bed and then he has lots of man time. He'll come to bed hours after I've fallen asleep.

So one night, a couple days after buying the new prenatals, he comes to bed late and I wake up. His breath smells fruity and awesome. I ask him what he's been eating? And he says nothing. I may be pregnant and groggy, but I'm still not that dumb. I ask again, "what have you been eating?"

Finally he says it, "I had some of your prenatals."

I about died. "You wanted a treat that bad you ate my prenatals??" He insisted he wanted to keep up on his vitamins, it was about the health benefits.

YEAH RIGHT. You don't take your wife's chewy prenatals at midnight unless you are desperate for some sugar and have nothing on hand.

Love,
Brittney

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Friday, May 2, 2014

Viking Sperm

So, Trevor is insanely proud of his “viking sperm”.

As I’ve said before, we were taking precautions against pregnancy.  And we get pregnant anyways. WITH TWINS.

(On a side note and future blog post, this pregnancy has really increased my testimony that God is there, He loves us and He has a plan.)

He has felt this a major accomplishment on his behalf.

He might have been quoted as saying, “I bet you only released one egg and one of my sperm went in there and forced out another one!”

(I love typing stuff like this with the knowledge that most likely our kids will read this when they’re older and be totally grossed out. I WIN!)

So, over some lovely dinner conversation with Trevor’s best friend, Brock, we were explaining the whole, “we shouldn’t be pregnant thing”, and Trevor was all proud of his Viking sperm.

Brock says, “During a football game, Trev’s knee would completely pop out (he tore some major stuffs (I don’t know what all) in his knee and had to have surgery before his last year playing at SUU) and Trevor would just pop it back in and go back out on the field. I believe his sperm could do anything.”

HAHAHA….. Oh my.

Love,

Brittney

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Thursday, May 1, 2014

Peas Up My Nose

So, you always hear those stories about those kids who get peas stuck in their nose and the mom has to take them into the ER to get them removed.

I read a funny story in the Readers Digest ages ago about a little boy who got a lego stuck in his nose when his dad was watching him. 

The dad tried to get it out to no avail. He took him to the ER to get it removed. When the mom came home, she was totally appalled the dad had taken him to the ER, because it would have been so easy to remove at home. They got into a fight about it. The mom, to prove her point, stuck a lego up her nose to show the dad just how easy it was to get out.

She couldn't get it out. 

So hours after the dad had taken the little boy to the ER to have the lego removed from his nose, he had to take his wife to the ER to get the same lego removed from her nose.

EMBARRASSING.

I told Trevor I should probably take my wedding ring off in case of pregnancy swelling, but I didn't want to because I love it so much.

Here it is, the first time it was put on my finger! 


Overnight, my hand BALLOONED.

My ring was stuck.

We tried the last 2 weeks to get it off. I've watched every YouTube tutorial and read every "How To" article on removing rings on swollen fingers. We've tried elevation, icing it ( THAT HURTS!) every kind of lubrication, wrapping it with tape, floss and stretchy band.

EVERYTHING.

It hurt like crazy every single time. And it would get so swollen for the next couple days it would really cut off my circulation. I didn't want to get it cut off - I LOVE MY RING!

So, we went into our fancy pants jewlers. There were adorable couples walking around hand in hand, overwhelmed with love.

The clerks helping were all women, in sophisticated and tight pants suits.

I waddled in, swollenly pregnant with twins, my protruding tummy leading the way. I had to wait for the love-struck couples to finish fawning each other before the way-too-thin and dressed up clerks could come over to me and ask how they could help?


And like the child that has stuck pees up their nose, I had to confess that my ring was lodged on my swollen porky fingers.


SHAME.

They didn't have a ring cutter that could cut through my ring (it's apparently unusually thick).

So that was a bust. ALTHOUGH we did learn that our insurance covered putting the ring together again if cut.

We kept trying to get it off with no luck, and at my next doctors appointment I asked the Dr and nurses if they knew how to get it off? It turned into a whole affair with all the nurses looking at my finger and the doctor announcing he had no idea how to get it off. SIGH.

They recommended getting it cut off.

We waited a couple more days, trying at home with Trevor and at work with coworkers to get the ring off.

Still not budging.

At this point, my finger is in pain because the circulation has been cut off. 2 weeks of trying to get it off has landed me in the option of getting it cut off. 

Sigh.

(you can see how tight this poor ring is on my finger)

So, I went into the Instacare near my work. I waddled up to the desk and once again had to explain how my ring was swollen on my finger and I couldn't get it off. Still embarrassing. And this is the third time I've had to publicly explain this whole situation. 

And every time people offer the same suggestions... "have you tried..." Yes, I've tried EVERYTHING. TWICE.

Here is my finger after my ring was cut off.


It's a pretty good thing I finally got it cut off. My finger was in pretty bad shape.


And here is my poor cut ring! It made me so sad.


Note to self - next time I get pregnant, take my ring off the moment the strip turns pink!!!!!

(In case you were wondering, Trevor thought the whole thing was hilarious. I'd be crying and he'd be laughing).

Love,
Brittney

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Monday, March 24, 2014

Wake up, Thor Baby!

At our ultrasound, the midwife made the mistake of telling Trevor the baby can feel any pressing on my stomach. If the baby is sleeping and you press, it will feel it and wake up.

So, Trevor will come up to me at random times and repeatedly poke my stomach and say, “wake up Thor baby!! Wake up!!”

The baby hasn’t even been born yet and already Trevor is tormenting it.

Poor Thor baby.

We told my dad that, and he reminded me of his flicking my foot when I was a baby so I wouldn’t fall asleep for a nap and thus, my father, would solve the problem of newborns not sleeping through the night.

My mom is a nurse and after her maternity leave was over went to graveyards so she could be with me in the day, and my dad at night.

She called from the hospital to check in, the first time leaving her new baby. She could hear me screaming in the background.

She asked my dad what was wrong? He responded that every time I started to fall asleep he would flick my foot until I woke up. He had a screaming baby, but I was awake. I would sleep through the night.

She began to cry, and I’m sure they had a fight. That isn’t the part of the story my dad likes to tell.

I can only imagine the torments Trevor will invoke on this poor baby. He’s already started.

Love,

Brittney

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Saturday, March 22, 2014

Crazy Hair



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Friday, March 14, 2014

Driving in the Wrong Direction


Poor Grass stain has been dying for… well, years.

We aren’t in the position to get a new car. It isn’t registered, since it won’t pass the inspection.

Which means we are down to one car.

It has actually been really good for me. I have to take Trevor to work and pick him up. I feel horrible in the mornings and am so tired and getting up is beyond hard. But since I have to take Trevor to work, I have to get up. It’s honestly the only thing getting me to work on the mornings I feel so sick.

There are days I feel horrible in the afternoon and want to leave early, but I know I have to pick Trevor up, so I just suck it up.

So, I drop him off and pick him up every day. Every day.

Today I was on my way to get him when he called. I had just got off the exit. We talked for a minute and he asked where I was. I told him I had just exited, but nothing looked familiar.

I kept driving, not seeing any of the usual landmarks. Oddly though I was incredibly complacent about it.

He asked me, “Do you see the apartment complex before my work?”

I didn’t. Then he said, “Britt, did you get off the wrong exit?”

Yes, yes I did. I got off the wrong exit. And kept driving and didn’t put it together for far too long. I had to turn around and take an alternate route to his work.

The whole time I was just driving completely oblivious and unconcerned. It was so weird.

Anyone who knows me knows I am horrible with directions, but this was a whole new level of sad. It is absolutely pregnancy related, I know this. I’ve said/done things this pregnancy that make me feel like I’m a total idiot.

Trevor thought this situation was hilarious but I told him he couldn’t tell people, because it makes me look dumb.
 
He asked that I at least post it on my blog, so we remember these funny little pregnancy goofs.

Love,
Brittney

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Thursday, February 20, 2014

I See You And I Hear You

Trevor is the best ever in the whole world.

But… sometimes he kinda sucks.

Like, when he does dumb stuff.

He made me mad, kinda pretty a lot mad.

I had a lot on my plate, emotions were high and he tipped that plate right over.

He texted me the next day and could tell he’d blown it from my responses (I’m so transparent).

So he apologized.

I let him know why I was mad.

He responded,

“I see you and I hear you.”

HAHAHAAAA. How is that for defusing an angry wife?

We like watching the TV show Parenthood together. At one point the grandparents, Zeke and Millie, are having some major marital problems. They go see a therapist. The therapist instructs Zeke that when Millie talks to him, instead of lashing out or getting mad or not listening, he needs to simply say, “I see you and I hear you.”

The kids make fun of them for this, and it does become somewhat of a joke. That whole episode happened quite a while ago.

But today, while expressing how I feel, Trevor just said, “I see you and I hear you.” I was in the middle of texting him while crying and as soon as I saw his response I couldn’t help but laugh.

I seriously am so grateful for him. Even when he’s a putz.

Love,

Brittney

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Sunday, February 9, 2014

2014 Winter Olympics - Featuring Trevor Schauerhamer

This is what our house was like on Sunday while watching ice skating at the Olympics. Trevor danced/skated all day long. 

My favorite is at the end he says, "thank you for your time." No, thank YOU, Trevor, for sharing this gem with the world.

I think 2018 is his Olympic year. He has 4 years to train. With moves like this, how can he lose?


Love,
Brittney

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Saturday, February 8, 2014

Lion


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Friday, February 7, 2014

Park

I didn’t have the best day Thursday. Friday night, I struggled to fall asleep and when I did – I was awoken with a terrible pain in my stomach. It kept me awake much of the night. I was really worried about it, not to mention in pain.

I woke up tired and worried and upset Friday morning, and decided I was not going into work.

I had an appointment with my friend to get my eyelashes done (since my friend does it I barely have to pay – when I no longer have her I’ll be back to mascara. Sad day).

Since I was having a rotten day and in a bad mood, I decided getting out of the house was a good idea. She lives right by my work, 30 minutes away, so I schedule my appointments for during lunch or after work. 

Since I didn’t make it into work, I had to drive clear out to Herriman.

I pulled into her driveway, and couldn’t get my key out of the ignition.  Sometimes the steering wheel will lock – and won’t release the key or let you start it. You have to pull the steering wheel left and right really fast and hard and eventually it will release. I couldn’t get it to release.

I decided to go inside and get my lashes done, and hopefully by then Tim would release the key. I was afraid of getting locked out, so I jammed both doors to make sure they didn’t fully shut.

After my lashes I came back out and couldn’t get it to start. My friend tried and she couldn’t either. Her other friend was there, and she couldn’t either. I called Trevor up and told him the situation.

He left work to come try and get the key out and unstrand me. It took him 45 minutes to get there – Grass stain is barely moving these days.

I came outside and he had the key in his hand. I had pulled in, put the parking brake on but never put the car in park, which is why the key wouldn’t release.

Sigh.
He told me that and I just started bawling my eyes out. I felt so stupid. He had taken almost 2 hours out of his work day to come rescue me and nothing was wrong with the car, I’d just failed to put it in park.

I never do stuff like this. I’m not one of those ditsy type girls making these weird mistakes and failing to take care of things.

I cried the whole way home.

Love,

Brittney

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Monday, February 3, 2014

Tim under attack

I came out of work to get in Tim to find this:



Once I unlodged it, it was the size of a parking stall. Crazy.


Love,
Brittney

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Sunday, January 26, 2014

Christmas Tree Disposal

I finally took down our Christmas ornaments and lights a couple of  weeks after Christmas.

Then the tree sat there naked, wilting, for a couple more weeks.

Then it sat on our balcony for a couple more weeks.

The plan was thus: to throw the tree off our balcony (3rd floor) under the cover of night and throw it in the dumpster the day before trash day.

Why? Well, mostly because I really wanted to throw the tree off the balcony. But I convinced Trevor my plan was awesome by saying the reason was so we wouldn't have pine needles all over our floor from him carrying it across our entire apartment. Which was also a legit concern - those needles are a pain. But mostly I just was excited to throw the tree off the balcony under the cover of night.

The tree was so dead it was insanely prickly. 






I don't know why but this is my favorite picture ever. I love how cute Trev looks in the 20 degree weather, in shorts, flip flops, work gloves carrying a huge heavy tree like it weighs nothing.

He's seriously strong, this man.


And here it is - in our way too full dumpster. Trash day is tomorrow morning so it'll be taken away. 


And in case you were wondering - watching Trev throw it off the balcony was as fun as I thought it would be. 

:)

Love,
Brittney


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Monday, January 20, 2014

Trevor - The Model

For Christmas my Grandma got me a sweater. It isn't something I would generally pick out for myself...

But apparently Trevor:

A - Loves it
B - Secretly wants to be a woman/has a women's sweater fetish
C - Has too much time on his hands
or
 D - Is hilarious and awesome 

(I'm picking D)





Love,
Brittney

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Friday, January 17, 2014

Baby

For kicks and giggles one day I put Trevor and my pictures into an online baby maker.

The results are somewhat alarming... 

This poor daughter is going to have a rough life. Maybe we could grow her bangs.


This one is actually pretty cute.


Love,
Brittney

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Nutella

The Johnsons are crazy for Nutella.
 
Trev found this at Costco, which is a Johnson's dream.
 

 
At our home, when you went to grab some Nutella, more often than not there was a rogue pretzel or cracker hiding out.
 
One time Brother Sowers came over to see dad. I took him into the "love shack" where dad was watching TV. Dad was sitting there, legs on the coffee table, his potbelly sticking out and resting on top of his stomach was a jar of Nutella. Dad had lost half a pretzel in the Nutella, and had Nutella on his face, and his hand was deep in the jar trying to get the pretzel, with nutella all over his hands.
 
I was embarrassed for him.
 
And that is how Johnson's love Nutella.
 
Love,
Brittney

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