24 week Doctor Appointment

I saw my doctor today – things with the twins look great.

Things with me look not so great.

My blood pressure is a little high. Nothing too bad, but definitely disconcerting this early in my pregnancy, so we are going to have to watch that carefully.

Honestly, this pregnancy wouldn’t be that horrible if it weren’t for this ligament paint I’m experiencing. I can deal with all the other symptoms.

It’s this pain every minute of every day for the last 4 months, and it’s steadily getting worse, that I can’t handle.

Every step I take feels like I’m being stabbed in my girly parts. At night, every time I move a leg or try to adjust positions, or even getting into bed – feelings like a knife is being jabbed inside me. I’ve never in my life experienced such intense pain. And it’s been every minute of every day since I was 2 months pregnant.

I can barely make it to the bathroom, it hurts so bad these days. And I’m supposed to be working full time. I made it in the office 2 days last week (I worked from home the other days – I’m getting work done) because physically I can’t do more than that right now.

If I stay home all day and sit on the couch, guzzling water with my feet elevated, not moving except for bathroom trips – the next day I can physically and emotionally handle going into the office. But one full day of work and I’m in so much pain I can barely sleep and I wake up exhausted, in pain and emotional.

It’s seriously the worst. And that is just the ligament pain. That isn’t even mentioning all of the other lovely pregnancy symptoms I’ve got going on. But this pain is by far the worst.

My doctor said there is nothing he can do. That he gets some patients that hurt so badly by the end they are in wheelchairs.

Sigh.

I know there is an end in sight and that should give me relief – but honestly, the idea that I have 2-3 more months of this all consuming, never ending pain is more than I can handle.

AANND I’m working. That is making things so much worse, physically and emotionally. But we need the money, and I’ve struggled so much because I feel like I’m letting Trevor and our family down, if I can’t continue to work.

The doctor said the pain is not pre-term labor, which is a huge relief. So the pain isn’t a threat to the babies. It is however a bad sign of the rest of the pregnancy. He said at this point, he doesn’t recommend I continue working. He wrote me a medical note saying he suggests I work from home and don’t come into the office.

The problem is, I don’t know if they will let me. So I’m in a hard position. Do I keep pushing myself and working? Or do I start FMLA now and basically be on bed rest the rest of my pregnancy?

If I push it now, the doctor said it most likely will cause complications further in the pregnancy.

Seems like an easy choice – right? Just stop working. But with this house and the cost of twins – we really need to save all my money before these babies come.

Sigh.

Growing up and having adult decisions and problems seriously bites!

Love,

Brittney

Trevor's First Fathers Day

Even though these babies aren't here yet, they have consumed our lives for the last 6 months. Trevor has selflessly and tirelessly taken care of them and me.

He’s been incredible. He asked me the other day if there is anything more he can do for me? And I could honestly say no – he’s already doing everything he can.

Here is my favorite picture of this daddy-to-be. He loves this shirt, and wears it with such pride. 

I didn’t get Trevor a present for Fathers Day, but I got him a card from me and a card from the twins.

Happy Fathers Day to the most amazing Dad in the world! I can not imagine a better man in the world than Trevor, and am so happy he's the father of my children.

Love,

Brittney

23.4 Week Ultrasound

We saw the twins today (6-11-14) at 23.4 weeks.

They look AMAZING. Loki is measuring 2 weeks big, and Thor is measuring 4 days big.  Loki is 2lbs and Thor is 1.7lbs - most babies weigh 1.2lbs at 23 weeks. These guys are healthy and huge.

Loki is positioned head down in my cervix, with her brother on top of her - which means I've got the full weight of both of them and their sacs on my cervix which is why I'm in so much pain and can barely walk. 

The whole time we were there they were moving all over the place (Loki's head stayed in my cervix, but she move the rest of her body all over) and Thor was all over. They were kicking and punching me the entire time.

Loki was kicking and punching Thor the whole time as well. He didn't touch her until she got too annoying and then he'd kick her. She'd continue to kick and punch him and eventually he'd snap and kick her again. It was hilarious.

They have my entire huge stomach to hang out in, but they are cuddled on one side together. It's so cute. They just want to be right next to each other, even though they have lots of room - they aren't using it. They are just cuddled together. So even though she bugs him and he finally has it and kicks her, they want to be close. She is in front towards my stomach and he is in back behind her, so it was really hard for the ultrasound tech to get good shots of them because it was hard to tell who was who. They are so tangled together. 

You could see their little personalities shine through, which was really fun. This is the first ultrasound where you could start to see their personalities. At one point the tech was trying to get Thor's face, and he put his hand over his face and turned away. Loki would curl into a ball every time the tech had the thing over her trying to get a shot. She'd squirm and hide. So the tech tricked her into thinking she'd moved the thing, and Loki went back to beating Thor. It was amazing to watch how they are smart and aware of what is going on. 

We got some good profile shots. Thor has a cute button nose and Loki's is a little more pointed. You can tell they look different, just from the ultrasound. It's cool.

I got teary eyed during the ultrasound, which is the first time that has happened this pregnancy (I cried when we found out it was twins, but that was a very different emotion than this time…). As they develop their little personalities are coming through, and as I feel them more it all seems more real. It was amazing to watch them interact together and know they are our babies.

I’m so grateful they are so healthy. I am a worrier by nature, and this pregnancy has been so rough on me physically and mentally that seeing them is the best feeling – that reassurance that everything is ok.

I can’t wait to meet these little guys!

Love,

Brittney

First outside kick - Loki Lue

I can feel the twins are getting bigger. I have less room inside, and bending over and getting up are increasingly harder.

I made it to 23 weeks on Saturday, and as if the twins knew they’d reached a new week, I started to feel more from Loki. Harder kicks mostly. I even felt her kick from the outside for the first time. Trevor wasn’t home, sadly.

The rest of Saturday and all of Sunday, her kicks were harder. I’d put my hand on my stomach to see if I could feel her from the outside – but our little diva wants to be left alone. As soon as I (or Trevor) put a hand on my stomach, she stops kicking. Makes feeling her very difficult.

Finally Sunday night, she gave me a big kick. I told Trev to quickly put his hand on my stomach really lightly, and he felt one good kick. So exciting! Of course, she refused to kick any more after he’d put his hand on my stomach. But at least he felt one. So cool!

I think she’s changed positions. Everything I have felt thus far has been aligned with my belly button, but lower in my pelvis. On Saturday, like clockwork, I started feeling her on my right side. So I think she’s turned upside down and now her head is by my belly button, and her feet are on my right side.

I still can’t really feel Thor. Almost everything I feel is in the two spots I mentioned above – right in Loki territory.

It worries me so much to feel her, and not him. I worry about him all the time.

I have my monthly ultrasound on Wednesday, so we will get to check up on them and make sure they are ok! I’m usually pretty confident Loki is well, but I need the peace of mind that Thor is ok. Plus it’s just way too much fun seeing them. That is one fun side of twins – we get WAY more ultrasounds! 2 per month until I’m further along, and then we’ll have more than that.

I’m loving this movement. I know soon enough I’m going to be tired of their shenanigans and they’ll hurt. But for now I am just soaking up every little movement.

Love,

Brittney

4th Trimester

Trevor and I came to a huge realization this weekend.

In a twin pregnancy, there is no 2^nd trimester.

You know that trimester women talk about, when the crazy sickness and fatigue goes away and you actually feel normal again? Good? At the very least, not horrible any more. And that lasts the entire 2^nd trimester, till you start to get big and uncomfortable and the sickness starts coming back, and you’re in the 3^rd trimester, where you just want that baby out.

I had a rough 1^st trimester. I daydreamed about this alleged awesome 2^nd trimester. A friend of mine at work who is also pregnant was at the beginning of the 2^nd trimester and would tell me how she felt completely normal, except for the little tummy she was getting. Other friends echoed the same experience. At 13 weeks I was so encouraged, so hopeful. I WAS GOING TO START FEELING BETTER. I waited and prayed and HOPED.

Yeah… that didn’t exactly happen. By the time the 1^st trimester awfulness started to get a little better, I was getting bigger and way uncomfortable. Not to mention this horrible ligament pain that makes EVERY SINGLE MOVEMENT feel like I’m going to die.

I completely missed the 2^nd trimester.

I feel the way women in the end of the their 3^rd trimester describe. I look 8 months pregnant. I have for a month. And I’m 22 weeks.

So, Trevor and I decided that with a twin pregnancy, you just bypass this awesome 2^nd trimester.

You move from the 1^st to the 3^rd. And when you are at the end of your “3^rd” trimester and think you CAN’T DO IT ANY MORE, you still have your 4^th trimester.

AWESOME.

Seriously, these babies better be worth all this.

Love,

Brittney