PREGNANT!

While in Vegas, Trevor and I had an oopsie...

I honestly didn't think too much about it. But about 1.5 weeks before I was due to start my period, I got really bad cramps (which my cramps have been so much worse and unpredictable since birth control, but the period I'd just had had been the best since getting of birth control so I was so sad the cramps came hard and early, as I was hoping my cycle was FINALLY getting back to normal).

I thought about the oopsie, and began to be concerned that I WASN'T pregnant. We weren't ready to be pregnant, I didn't want to be pregnant, but the incessant worrier in me was a little panicked - WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME AND I CAN'T GET PREGNANT?

I stewed. A lot.

I had a Dr's appointment and even brought it up - could I have a hard time getting pregnant? Should we do tests??

She said I shouldn't be worried. I was in perfect health. That you only have a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month, and that honesty in her opinion getting pregnant is a miracle and usually take a little time.

That made me feel better, but still I was worried. Trevor and I both want a family, so not being able to get pregnant was something that I couldn't shake (although it was all in my head).

I spent the next week praying that Trevor and I wouldn't struggle with infertility.

The cramps continued - getting worse. I had had them for over a WEEK! And no period. I was pretty upset, because I thought my body was finally getting back to normal after birth control.

Then I put on my exercise bra to go to the gym and realized - my chest didn't fit in it. There was quite a bit of bulging out the sides. I know a lot of women complain about tender/swollen breasts before their periods, but it just wasn't something I'd ever experienced.

That night, the cramps were worse than ever. I didn't sleep much. I was in so much pain (I hadn't taken any medicine IN CASE I was pregnant - although the idea that I was really hadn't entered my mind at this point. It was just a precaution.). I was up early with a heating pack on my stomach, deciding if I wanted to try and make it in to work. 

At about 9:00am (1/28/14) I started to have to go to the bathroom. Before I went, I decided to look and see how late my period was. I was 4 days late. I knew I was late - but again being pregnant really hadn't registered in my head as a possibility (I'd spent the last week praying I wasn't infertile so my mind was in a whole other place) especially because my cramps had been so bad - I knew it was period related, since it was at the exact time I should have cramps.

I saw I was 4 days late, and I had to pee, so I decided to take a test. I knew I had one somewhere, but couldn't find it. I searched the house over and over again to no avail. By then I had to pee sooo bad. But I just wanted to take a test and be done. So I was dancing around the house and finally found it.

Immediately after I set it down, I saw two solid pink lines.

I started to cry and just walked around the house saying, "oh my gosh oh my gosh" and looking at the pregnancy test and crying.

I wasn't (still am not!) sure what to feel. I was mostly just overwhelmed I think. This was a pretty big surprise. We are not ready. I kept thinking about the ramifications of this, and how mine and our lives were going to change. It was all just too much.

After I got somewhat in check, I texted Trevor to see if he could come home for lunch. He said he could, thankfully, because there was no way I was keeping this inside ALL DAY LONG.

I wanted to get him a gender neutral newborn onsie that said "I love my Dad" or something like that, to tell him. I went to Target and surprisingly their collection of baby clothes was really sad. I went to Walmart, and theirs was too. I found quite a bit of girl clothes with mommy stuff, but no daddy. 

I did find this adorable card though. So I bought that. And added a message.

As I was leaving, Walmart, I saw a Babys "R" Us across the street - and found the perfect onsie as soon as I walked in. It's gender neutral and says "daddy loves me". I  didn't take a picture, but it came with 3 more onsies, ELEPHANTS! They are so darn cute.

I put everything together, put the pregnancy test in the envelope and waited for him to come home. 

I was SO NERVOUS! I was shaking, just looking at the time. SWEATING BULLETS. Trevor is amazing with kids and wants to be a dad so badly, but this wasn't in the cards for us yet! We had talked about MAYBE trying in August, which is 7 MONTHS AWAY! Plus the 9 months of pregnancy thing, and probably wouldn't get pregnant the first time around - so we are thinking 2 YEARS DOWN THE LINE.

He came home, and I told him I left a card for him on the table because I love him. He grabbed it and first thing took out the pregnancy test (I wanted him to read the card first). He holds it up, looks at me and says, "what is this?" I thought he'd know... I thought everyone knew what two pink lines means. 

I told him to read the card. He just looked at me and said, "are you serious?"

Then he hugged me so tight and kept saying "I love you".

We sat down and just looked at each other.

Neither of us knew what to think.

I'm still in shock. This whole thing doesn't seem real. Like it's a joke and someone is going to say "JUST KIDDING!!!" at any minute.

I looked at the test over and over all day long just to remind me this is real.

I'm not at the excited phase yet - I'm still so shocked and scared. 

WE ARE PREGNANT!

PS - What happens in Vegas obviously doesn't stay in Vegas.

love,

Brittney

Questions

I read this article on Saturday (read it!). I told Trevor about it.

It is actually pretty awesome, I think. About asking the right questions. A lot of times I'd tell people certain things if they asked, showing they care. But vague questions like "how are you" aren't going to elicit much from me. "How is work?" would get more. "How is being married?" is going to get you a nondescript answer of "good". Asking me how adjusting to marriage is is going to get you something a little more concrete.

Some days, like the woman in the article describes, I don't even know how to tell Trevor how my day was. I just want to cry. Or when he asks, "how was your day" in a hurried manner, I don't bother.

But asking REAL questions? If people showed me they care enough to ask real questions, I'd tell them a lot more about my life and who I am and what I go through on a daily basis.

Trevor and I talked about real questions and how when we have kids, we want to make sure we aren't asking "how was school today?" but "how did you feel while taking your spelling test" as the woman in the article discusses. Asking our kids real questions to get to know them, not vague questions that feels like pulling teeth to get answers to.

It was a brief conversations, and Trevor didn't read the article.

Today at work I get this text from Trevor:

"Baby! I love you! What has made you happy today?"

Ummm... the first thing I thought when I read that text was, "wow, I married the most amazing man in the world."

I am grateful for such an incredible husband who listens to me and wants to help make us even better.

I'm grateful for people with life experiences, for sharing what they've learned. 

So, I'm going to try to start asking real questions. To forge real relationships, increase the quality of the ones I already have, and prepare to raise pretty amazing kids.

Love,

Brittney

Christmas Tree Disposal

I finally took down our Christmas ornaments and lights a couple of  weeks after Christmas.

Then the tree sat there naked, wilting, for a couple more weeks.

Then it sat on our balcony for a couple more weeks.

The plan was thus: to throw the tree off our balcony (3rd floor) under the cover of night and throw it in the dumpster the day before trash day.

Why? Well, mostly because I really wanted to throw the tree off the balcony. But I convinced Trevor my plan was awesome by saying the reason was so we wouldn't have pine needles all over our floor from him carrying it across our entire apartment. Which was also a legit concern - those needles are a pain. But mostly I just was excited to throw the tree off the balcony under the cover of night.

The tree was so dead it was insanely prickly. 

I don't know why but this is my favorite picture ever. I love how cute Trev looks in the 20 degree weather, in shorts, flip flops, work gloves carrying a huge heavy tree like it weighs nothing.

He's seriously strong, this man.

And here it is - in our way too full dumpster. Trash day is tomorrow morning so it'll be taken away. 

And in case you were wondering - watching Trev throw it off the balcony was as fun as I thought it would be. 

:)

Love,

Brittney

Bountiful Temple

For our temple trip this week, we picked the Bountiful temple. 

It is so pretty! We got there at a little before 7:00, and left at about 10:30. It was packed so we had to wait over an hour for a session. So far, over half the time we've gone to the temple, we've accidentally gone on a stake temple night. Including the chapel session and all.

When we came out it was SO COLD. But we are trying to do better at taking pictures.

It took us a lot of tries. We wanted the temple in the background. Normally I wouldn't post all the tries, only the successful shot, but it was so hilarious trying to get this to work and we were so cold (at least we weren't wet... a huge plus to being endowed).

Love,

Brittney

Trevor - The Model

For Christmas my Grandma got me a sweater. It isn't something I would generally pick out for myself...

But apparently Trevor:

A - Loves it

B - Secretly wants to be a woman/has a women's sweater fetish

C - Has too much time on his hands

or

 D - Is hilarious and awesome 

(I'm picking D)

Love,

Brittney

Andrew's Wedding

My second cousin and closest cousin got married! 

It was a fancy pants wedding and totally beautiful. They looked so happy. They spelled my name wrong on the table reservation - probably because Andrew's new wife's name is Brittany.

Trevor accidentally took a selfie. He's hott.

Love,

Brittney

Baby

For kicks and giggles one day I put Trevor and my pictures into an online baby maker.

The results are somewhat alarming... 

This poor daughter is going to have a rough life. Maybe we could grow her bangs.

This one is actually pretty cute.

Love,

Brittney

Sunday Pictures

Scriptures

Best Christmas present ever.

And FYI they discontinued the blue scripture in the new addition. WHY???? Blue is the best color. Bad call.

Love,

Brittney