Banished to the Hallway, and Jacob

I no longer can say, "come to my office - room number 3162".

Yes, I got the job. But simultaneously, I've been kicked out of my office. Banished, if you will, to the middle of the main hallway on the 3rd floor of the Riverton Office Building (ROB).

Not just me, but my partner in my every-day endeavors, Julie. We've shared out small, cramped, yet wonderful office for the last 5 months or so. We could close the door, hide, talk as much as we wished. It was fabulous.

(Here are our desks. Hallway behind, in front, in the middle, and on either side. Mine is on the left, Julie's on the right).

But those on the fourth floor (the fourth floor is where all the Directors are) have decided a better place for us would be in the middle of the hallway, outside of our old office. Eek. We hated the idea. We cringed and cried and whined and delayed our departure, but, alas, last last Friday was "D-Day". We are now officially sitting in the middle of the hall.

Not only that, but they built our cubicles WITHOUT back walls. Seriously? Apparently, they ordered the wrong walls. Woops. That is all we got. "Woops". No effort to order the right walls or anything of the sort.

The guys (the guys being the men in our department who we support) saw our predicament and were nice enough to pull an unused desk behind my desk, which made the back wall standard cubicle height. If it weren't for that desk, I'd be so hating life. I would be visible from almost anywhere on every side. People could stand right behind me and see everything I was doing. Unnerving. Now, with the back wall, I am at least not visible from directly behind.

(The half wall in front is all that was there. The wall that goes higher is a desk they pushed from some other location to rest behind me, at least blocking my visibility from behind. That desk is my saving grace! Notice the flowers my family sent me! And the pictures Bob drew for me).

My time to work has decreased, significantly. People come by to chat, ask questions and ask me to do all sorts of random things. And the printer. Ooooh, that printer. This printer is much better than the one at the Triad. But it still has its issues. It beeps. It gets jammed. And now, I have a front row seat to the action. Before I could hide in my office and pretend I didn't know the ins and outs of it. But now, as the men stand there perplexed, they look at me - and I have to stop what I'm doing and fix the printer.

No, I am not a big fan of the hallway.

The worst part, I assumed, would be people being able to creep up behind me and see me from every angle. Having no privacy at all. Yes, it is bad. But the worst part?

Jacob.

Jacob is single. And looking. Jacob is maybe 300lbs. He is a computer nerd - aka - no social skills. At all.

Jacob walks back and forth in the hallway, all day long. It is impossible that he is getting any work done, with the time he spends pacing the hallways in front of my desk. Back and forth. Back and forth (he actually said that one time, on one of his treks). I ignore him. I want to be a better person than that, but I just can't do it. Julie and I look at each other every time, and mark off what time that was that hour. We've gotten 10 times in an hour. Julie and I look at each other a lot. He is decreasing our productivity as well as his own.

In the morning, as he starts his back and forth bits, he doesn't look at me.

Towards afternoon, he does this creepy behind-the-shoulder-sexual-glance type thing.

At the end of the day, he talks to me. This is the worst part of my day.

Friday, it went something like this:

Jacob - takes this digital clock thing I have on my desk, and holds it, looking at me.
Me - I look at him like, "what are you doing?" and then go back to work.
Jacob - Stands there, talking to me/himself. Nothing worth repeating.
Me - I continue to work, pretending he is not there.
Jacob - "Look, it's a FOOTBALL!" Proceeds to pretend-throw it at my face, repeatedly, extremely close,   while saying, "BAM! BAM!"
Me - I give him my best crusty. "It is not a football". I look back down at my computer/work.
Jacob - "It's a VOLLEYBALL!" Proceeds to pretend-throw it at my face, repeatedly, extremely close,   while saying, "BAM! BAM!"
Me - Another crusty. "It is not any type of ball". I look back down.
Jacob - Proceeds to fly it around my desk, my face, etc.
Me - A co-worker walks towards me. I see him, and make my most in-need-of-help face. He sums up the situation, laughs and walks away. I'll get him back later.
Jacob - "Look! It's a top!" Proceeds to spin it around on top of my desk.
Me - I see another co-worker. I give him my most in-need-of-help face. He pauses, enjoying my pathetic face and situation, laughs hysterically, and leaves.
Jacob - Finally puts the clock back and leaves.

I can't do this every day! I don't have the charity or the endurance. I want my office back!

Love,
Brittney

Flowers at Work

How beautful! Small and delicate and just perfect. And they smell divine. Seriously, they smell so good. I'm in heaven (notice the printer behind the flowers? That printer takes up lots of my time and and anger. We don't get along well... and it is right  by me and beeps ALL the time, and I want to secretly break it. But don't tell anyone I said so...).

The jar they came in is super cute. And usable.

Here is a shot of the flowers on my desk. Also, my new digs! I was in an office before... but I got moved. More on that later.

The card that came with it said:

CONGRATULATIONS, WOW WE ARE EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE MOM AND DAD AND KENZIE AND TAYLOR AND CAMREE AND MIKAIL AND KAMIAH...AND THE GUINEA PIGS!!!

Thats a lotta love. I feel loved and blessed and happy and flowery.

Love,

Brittney

Depths of Despair

Marilla: You must be hungry.

Anne: I can't eat. I can never eat when I'm in the depths of despair.

Marilla: The depths of despair?

Anne: Can you eat when you are that way?

Marilla: I've never been that way.

Anne: Can't you even imagine you are in the depths of despair?

Marilla: No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God.

(Anne of Green Gables)

Unlike Marilla, I have, at times, felt like I was in the depths of despair. All too often, I'm ashamed to admit. But how she answers this question is really profound. "No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God."

This teaches me a great lesson about faith. There is a quote I became familiar with some time back, and it's given me a new perspective on faith.

Worrying is a form of atheism. I don't understand people who call themselves Christian or Buddhist or Muslim or whatever and worry. Because you cannot believe in a power  greater than yourself and worry. It does not compute.

-Oprah Winfrey

I have thought about this concept often. Either I believe God loves me and is looking out for me, or I don't. How is it I cry and stress over things I know the Lord has promised me? Either I believe He will come through on His promises, or I don't.

I let my own fears and doubts completely wash away my faith in Him, in His plan, in His love.

This concept is something I've thought about a lot the last while. But it wasn't until last Tuesday, in an Institute class at the U, that the professor said something that really, really hit home. Something I've heard many times before. But, alas, never really hit home.

Learning by faith is living by faith. IT IS AN ACTION.

It is not enough to pray for more faith, or to try and think things with more faith. It is necessary to go forward in faith. 


Faith is an action.


That is my new mantra. 


From now on and forever, I will go forward with faith. I will not pray for something, and doubt and question and back-step and rethink, waiting, hoping for some divine confirmation. I'll go forward with faith, and through the action of performing faith, my faith, and my end results will be far optimum. 


Yeah, baby.


Love,
Brittney

Drum Roll, Please!

I GOT THE JOB!

They just called and told me.

SIIIIGGGHHH.

I can breathe for the first time in a year...

I originally signed on for a 2 month internship... and they would extend it every time. So every 1-2 months, I would go through the stress of, are they going to extend again? And start job searching again. This last year has been so hard with the uncertainty of just not knowing how long I will have a job. So stressful.

When the recruiter called, I just took a deep breath, and he laughed. He probably gets that reaction a lot.

Now that I know I have a job (for the next year – hopefully I’ll get changed over to a permanent position – but this is a GIANT step closer to that goal) I can finally do some things I’ve needed to for a long while.

First – move to a place that is not underground, has windows, and has roommates. Seems like such a small thing, but to me, it is HUGE.

Second – sign up for a GRE class (they are expensive!).

Those are my first 2 priorities.

Thank you so much to everyone who prayed and fasted on my behalf… it has helped more than you know. I love you ALL!

The Life Of An Alpha Treasurer

Please pay your dues!

Or else you will lose!

Dues Banquet is riddled with fun

But if you don't pay - you cannot come!

We will miss you so

And wave to you as we go.

We will lament and mourn your loss

So come on, pay up - it's not much cost.

We want you to be a member

So please, please remember

To grab your wallet, or some cash

And come to Alpha - make a mad dash!

We'll be waiting to have some fun.

But once our super awesome meeting is done,

Come on over - be you active or pledger

Submit your $30 or $35 dollars and sign my ledger!

You'll see it's not so hard if you chose

To be in Alpha and pay your dues!

Wooden Nickels

In church today, a recently returned missionary talked about wooden nickels. His father would always tell him to get rid of his wooden nickels.

This really stuck with me. I have a lot of wooden nickels in my life. Things I desperately hold onto, that are not good for me, not good for anything. All they do is take up room and weigh me down. I can't do anything with them, can't get anything for them, can't give them away. Yet I still cling onto them.

Not only do I cling onto these wooden nickels, as useless and restricting as they are, but I often refuse to take real nickels that are being offered to me, insisting instead on holding onto the wooden ones. I won't drop the wooden ones to make room for the real nickels.

As we go on collecting nickels, be they real or wood, it decides our future. Our opportunities.


Will I go on holding onto wooden nickels that weight me down, restrict me? Or will I drop them, even though for a while, I'll be left with nothing? And eventually, once I make the decision to drop the wooden nickels, I'll start to collect real nickels - I'll have room to take the nickels being offered to me.

The worst part is that I know which nickels are wooden, and which are real. But for some reason, it is so hard to make the decision, for whatever reason, to drop the wooden ones. To let go. I know some real nickels are right there for my taking, being offered to me, nickels that will improve my life and my happiness. Yet I can't drop the wooden nickels, making the needed room.

But I know that in the end, when I drop the wooden nickels, as scary as it is, where once I had useless restricting weight, I'll find limitless opportunities and fulfillment.

Love,
Brittney

Ho Ho

Conversation with my mom on gmail:

Mom: I just made an icecream roll for Taylor for his birthday. It reminded Kenzie of a treat like that you can get in the states like hewies or howies? Do you know what she might be talking about? Chocolate roll with something maybe like cream rolled up in the middle?

Me: Ho ho!!!!!!!

I am laughing so hard

Mom: So are you laughing like santa ho ho ho. Or are you saying what she is thinking of is a ho ho. And why are you laughing.


Love,
Brittney

Job Update #Too Many

My last two interviews went well (But take in mind, this is coming from the girl who doesn't know what 20% of 100 is).

One of the guys I interviewed with, I already Admin for, so he knows me really well. I told him the math-whiteboard-percentage story, and he thought it was hysterical. Shocking.

So...

In my interview, he put four cans of Sprite on his desk, and proceeded to ask me percentage questions on them.

How much is 75% of the Sprites? If I take one away, how many are left? What is 25% of the Sprites... and on... and on... until the grand finale - what is 12.5% of the Sprites? I am happy to say I got them all right, including the last one, which is, in case you didn't know, half of one of the Sprites. After I got each answer right, he would praise me like I was one of his own kids. "That is right! You are so smart!" "That's it!" and so forth. In the end, he told me I wasn't dumb, and he'd let my first interviewer know. Phew. That is a load off my mind.

I'm now being mad fun of quite a bit for my humiliating mistake... word has gotten around about it. While I am so glad it is bringing so much amusement to everyone I work with, I still haven't shaken the incredible dumb spell that has clouded me since that fateful morning. Eek.

I'm not sure when they will let us know who has gotten the position. But everyone (except, well, some) has been so supportive and encouraging to me. I love my co-workers, and really, really hope to get an opportunity to work with them longer.

Anyways, I don't get tomorrow off, like most the rest of the USA, and I had a very good, but incredibly busy and sleepless weekend, so I am going to be all matronly and go to bed at 9:00. Don't judge me - I obviously need all the sleep I can get. Get those brain cells working for me, instead of against me. All I have to say is, imagine if I drank!?

Love,
Brittney

Second Round

I made it to the second round of interviews!

That means this week, I have four more interviews. Eek.

Today I had two of them. My first was with a guy so tough and severe in interviews, he's made interns cry. Thats right, 20-something, college educated, prospective Engineers balling at the hands of this one man. No mercy.

So imagine my fear as I waited outside his office, and he eventually beckoned me in.

He asked some good questions, and I couldn't stop twitching, which is what I do when I'm nervous. Sitting there twitching, trying to convince this man that I am exactly when he needs. What the whole department needs. Shoot, what the whole Church needs.

I made it through the questions. And then, BAM, my worst fear came to fruition. He told me to go to the whiteboard.

I died a little inside, and my twitching increased.

I walked to the board and grabbed a marker, knowing what was coming...

What came out of his mouth next was a blur something to the effect of...

"Marker.... math..... problems..... solving..... test....."

Anyone who knows me well is cringing right now. Basing my employment off of solving math problems given to me by an engineer on a whiteboard is suicidal. I SUCK at math. Repeat - I SUCK AT MATH.

He gave me a percentage problem first. I hate percents more than most things. I immediately shut down. I didn't know the answer. I knew there was a formula, but couldn't remember it exactly... so I guessed. Based my answer off of 50%, which I could do.

After that meltdown, I proceeded to state the obvious - I am a words/verbal/people person. With numbers - I suck.

His response?

"Yeah, your answers to my questions were some of the best I've ever heard."

I twitched just a little bit less after that.

Then he gave me two more math problems - both of which I solved. Success. One was hard. Well, for me it was. And I figured it out. Right there in that office with him watching on the whiteboard in green marker, I got the answer.

After, he said he had all he needed to know. He went over the interview, and said he thinks I have an extreme level of emotional intelligence. Which is important for my job. He said he thinks I am extremely competent and would do a great job.

My downfall? He said he sees me as not being confident enough. He can see me stressing myself out over a project, thinking I don't have the skills to do it, and not performing as well as I could. Which, he said, is also a positive - because he thinks I have the capability to do an amazing job - but that I would be my greatest downfall.

Which, in my opinion, is spot on. From the questions he asked me, he really did assess me very accurately. I've never been in that type of an interview before. It was extremely intense and intellectual.

I left, somewhat awkwardly, naturally, and said something to the effect of, "Well, I'll see you around, I imagine."

And what did he say?

"I'm sure I'll be seeing you a lot."

I'm pretty sure that means he likes me. I hope so.

The next interview went well. General questions, the questions I expected. I think it went well.

I have my last two tomorrow. These will be more awkward... as they are with the two men I currently am an admin for. They knooow me. They know when I've messed up, succeeded... they know my weaknesses and strengths. So when they ask me those questions - they already know the answers. What if I say my weakness is one thing, and they are thinking - "eek! I didn't know about that... I would have said ...." or when I say my greatest strength, and they are thinking "Oh heavens! That is not your strength!"

I'm sure it will go well, but it is nerve-wracking.

My triumph is doing well in my first interview. Although, I am feeling a lot dumb... it didn't hit me until driving home, as stressed as I was all day, the answer to the first math problem he gave me finally clicked in my mind.

Say something electronic is $100 and is 20% off. How much is it?

I thought and thought and thought. What was the formula? What is 50% off? I ended up saying 85. That is how stressed I was. And it wasn't until on my way home it hit me. $100. $100!! That is like 2nd grade math. And I know the answer without thinking. Except for in the interview, when I was so nervous after hearing the word "math" I basically shut down. I'm humiliated. I want to go to him and let him know I KNOW the answer! That it is easy-cheesy!

My redemption? I answered the much harder ones that proceeded my disgraceful, humiliating, blundering failure.

I'm hoping this works out. I guess what will be, will be, right? I'm praying my hardest... just have to have faith. Always more faith...

Love,
Brittney

NINNIE!!!!!!!

Ninny is so grinny,

she gives lots of hugs.

On her face,

oh such grace.

And in time she will be mine!!!

~Love Bob

 

Love,

Brittney

Prayers Accepted

There has become a position available at work.  Unfortunately, due to required processes and the Business Manager, who does the hiring, it is open to the public.

Which means, I'll have to apply and be interviewed along with all other applicants - both internal and external.

Sigh.

There are some people out there, and by some, I mean, a lot, that are MUUCH more qualified for this position, have much more experience.

The Business Manager, who will make the final decision, is hard to read. I'm not sure how much he likes me. He doesn't really see me in the work setting, more in the chatting setting - in certain meetings and such. I think he is my biggest obstacle, and he is pretty much the decider.

I think I could be in trouble?

I've been praying, and I feel at peace. So I guess I've just got to realize that whatever happens, it is in the Lord's hand. I need to make my peace with that.

But sometimes, it feels like the Lord listens to others more than me.

So, if you want to offer a prayer Heaven-bound on my behalf, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd love it. In faaact, I think I need it.

Love,
Brittney