Empress Brittney Johnson of the Most High Office, Ruler over the Portfolios, an Analyst of the Filing System

So, I’m talking to Bob this morning – and it’s the usual type conversation. Her adventures as a tone deaf student in choir, milking cats – etc.

Then she asks me what’s up with me. So I told her I got a promotion. She asked me my new job title. I told her, Portfolio Analyst. And she told me that that name sucks. I personally think that Portfolio Analyst is a pretty cool sounding title. So I asked her what would be cooler. She said, “Her Royal Majesty, Princess of the Office.”

That got us into a debate about whether or not titles like that existed in the world, apart from those who marry princes.

It ended with me saying, ok. By the end of day, I want a list of 10 titles cooler than Portfolio Analyst. And she sassied it up by replying, “I don’t need time. I could do it now.” So she did.

So here is the official list of 10 titles Bob thinks are infinitely cooler than “Portfolio Analyst”:

1. Her majesty the Portfolio Analyst

2. Lady Portfolio Analyst

3. La Seniora Johnson el Portfolio Analeest (you know, analyst with an accent)

4. The PA

5. BJ PA (ok, so at the end of the conversation Bob made me read this list out loud to her to make sure I got it all right. And I said BJ PA ((Like Brittney Johnson Portfolio Analyst – makes sense and is really funny!)) and she starts laughing and said she had said DJ PA – like a music DJ. But then she said, “I like yours better, keep it.”)

6. Miss Analyst

7. Miss Office

8. The Crowned Jewel Portfolio Analyst

9. Madame Portfolio Analeest (again with the accent)

At this point, she draws a blank… so she heads to the computer, takes some time – and whips out number 10 – which so happens to be both our favorites from the list:

10. Empress Brittney Johnson of the Most High Office, Ruler over the Portfolios, an Analyst of the Filing System (Note – filing system was cabinet until she thesaurused cabinet and it gave her filing system. I like of the Cabinet way better - so much more official. But since this is her list, I'll keep of the filing system).

Love,
Brittney



Beautiful Thursday Downtown

This post is a good one. Expect an awesome ending.

Workwise, the last months (ok let’s be honest – my whole professional working life has been lots of drama, ordeals, waiting, etc. ) of my life have been beyond insane.



Here is somewhat of a timeline summary (excluding my month to month intern trauma, and my year long contingent woes. Also excluding the huge awful reorg, which was also awful ((no redundancy there – I’m simply stating the extent of the awfulness))).


March 3 – Interviewed for the Missionary Work and Public Affairs Project Coordinator position (upgrade from being an Admin) with Michael Gibby, Portfolio Director and Romina Uceda, Portfolio Analyst.


March 11 – Got offered the job!


March – August – Trying to figure out this job! So much to learn, and getting used to the people I work closely with. It ends up being a bad situation for me. My moral is at an all-time low. The portfolio as a whole’s morale is also low. Stressful time.


August – The Solution Manager over Mormon.org takes another job. We are down an SM. Frantically trying to figure out how to proceed, interview process starts.


September – Romina tells me that she is being transitioned to a Project Manager spot, leaving the PA spot open for someone else to come in.


October 7 – Announcement that the Public Affairs and Missionary Departments were being split. Michael Gibby was going to be the Portfolio Director over Public Affairs. Missionary would be getting a new Director.


October 12ish – Another of our SM’s leaves under sad circumstances that has everyone upset – he was one of my favorites. We are now down 2 SM’s (We have 4 total, down 2) a Portfolio Direct and the Portfolio Analyst (Romina was still doing some work, but not as much as before). Our portfolio is falling apart!


Dec 1ish – Finally get a new PD!! Ron Stutz takes the job.


Dec 10 – Romina completely goes to being the Project Manager in Public Affairs. I am the interim Portfolio Analyst, with no training. No time for training. It is the end of the year and we’re closing out projects, going over budgets and everything else that comes with the financial end of a huge IT portfolio. Still no training. And I’m doing this for both Missionary and Public Affairs.


This state of complete chaos and me wanting to literally die from stress and being overworked goes for an entire month. Note – I’m always overworked and stressed, this just takes it up to a level where I could not physically and emotionally handle it anymore.


Jan 5 – I finally got taken off being the Portfolio Analyst for Public Affairs. SIGH OF RELIEF. I can function as a human being again.


Jan 10 – We get a new SM!! Yeah! Now we’re just down one SM.


Feb-6 – We get a new SM for Mormon.org! Yeah!

Feb 21 – GET OFFERED THE PORTFOLIO ANALYST JOB FOR THE MISSIONARY DEPARTMENT.




Wow. This is just all the drama for the last under a year. My whole professional career has been so much turmoil. Internships that are promised to lead to full time jobs ending (and telling me on the day I was leaving to go home for Christmas I didn’t have a job when I came back) and being unemployed. Oh, being unemployed is the worst. Sending out a zillion resumes. Rejections. Temporary jobs that make me come home crying my eyes out.


A year of being an intern – getting my contract extended a month at a time FOR A YEAR. Interviewing for the Contingent Admin spot – also lasting a year.


And now. I’ve made it to a Portfolio Analyst spot.


I went from Intern, to jobless, to intern Admin, to Contingent Admin, to Project Coordinator, and now I am an official Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Missionary Department Portfolio Analyst.


I’ve reached a position I never thought possible. This job is hard. Not to brag or anything, but it’s hard. I have so much to grow. SO much. Lots of work ahead, but I can honestly say I am proud of where I am today.

Happy 19th, Brother!

Valentines Day

So, I got lots of Valentines wishes and comments from well wishing co-workers (keep in mind, I work in an office with 1,00 people, about 950 are men).

My favorite comment of the day would have to be the following, as I’m sitting in my office with the door closed (my office has a glass door) –

Coworker: “It’s valentine’s Day – why are you in here with the door closed? A bee cannot smell a flower that is in a glass vase”

Me: Blank stare (Ok really - what do you say to that? I was still trying to process the whole, men are bees analogy).

Coworker: “At least open the door, let everyone enjoy the flower! Encourage the bees to come in!”

Me: There are no single guys in the office
I’d want to come into my office.

Coworker: “Go out! Go to the store! Walk around the mall!!”

Me: “And do what?”

Coworker: “Be a flower!”

 

 

Happy Valentines Day, 2012!

 

Love,

Brittney

Emily Elecent

When we were little, we had this toy. It was circular, and had little trap doors that animals would come out of. I can't remember all the inner workings of it, but best I can remember you spun a thing, and it would make music and then a random animal would come out and say it's name. I don't remember any of the animals except for the elephant and Kangaroo.

The kangaroo would pop out and say "blalahahaha and Baby Joey!"

Then the elephant would pop up and say, "and I'm Emily Elecent!"

Only, as far as my parents are concerned, the entire world heard "and I'm Emily Elephant!" but me. 

They tried to convince me she was saying "Emily Elephant" but I wouldn't budge. I knew she was saying "Emily Elecent". 

They tried to logically explain that they were right - by pointing out each animal stated what kind of animal they were - so it was logical that she was saying "Emily elephant" following the pattern of all the other animals.

So, Emily Elecent or Emily Elephant?

I still think I'm right.

NOTE- I decided to see if I could Google this old toy and see if anyone as nostalgic  as me had posted a picture. I won the jackpot!!!!

I found it!! The instruction manual!!! Imagine this but in color. Each of the hands had a different color. 

And the animal rundown. I can't believe after not seeing/hearing this in over 10 years at LEAST I remembered it as well as I did, and remembered the Baby Joey part.


Oh - BTW - this doesn't change a thing. I still think I'm right.

Love,

Brittney

Don’t be Scared, Tenzie’s Makin’ Toast!

One time when Bob was about 5 or so years old, she woke up in the morning and thought she was home alone. (For an insight on Bob's feelings on being alone, see here).

She was terribly frightened, and somehow in her mind the most logical solution to combat her loneliness and fear was to make toast.

Mom came down the stairs to Bob making toast while singing,

"Don't be scared, Tenzie's makin' toast, don't be scared, Tenzie's makin' toast."